fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
