i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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