I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
