He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
