sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
