On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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