Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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