I just pynch a tree in the face
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
