margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
