Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
