Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
