my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You smell like stripper and shame
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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