Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
