Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
