everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
