Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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