it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
