last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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