soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this is an emotional support booty call
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
