I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
