i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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