Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
