Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
