I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
