So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
