i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
