he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So many bounce houses so little time
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
