I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
