I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
