Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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