i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
