he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
