It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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