all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
