it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
