I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
