No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
