I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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