I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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