So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
