I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
