I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
