So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
