You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
