guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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