Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
