Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
