oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
