She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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