God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
