His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
