Can i not drive my cunt home
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
