The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
