You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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