So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
