how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
