I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
