Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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